Yesterday morning I woke up. And then I was convinced it would be a crappy day. One in which I would be reminded over and over of the fact that I’m broke, I have no permission to be in the country, the fact that I don’t know about a visa for the next country, the fact that I feel like I have about a million things to do and maybe 1 hour total to do them all. This was my morning. I tried my best to get up early and meet with Jesus, but that failed. So, I am sorry to admit that I gave Him some time, but it was rushed because I slept too late. I sat in class and was deeply convicted. Somehow that made me feel worse about myself. Now, I was in an ok mood (on the outside, at least). I did things with a smile. But on the inside, I was a exhausted, stressed, worried mess of emotions.
It came time for base intercession and I was not stoked. I just wanted a nap. It began and then the base director got up, moved and sat next to me. This thing is normal here (seat switching, no big deal. At least from my observation). And he showed me his phone and asked “This is you, right?” The message was from immigration, saying my visa had been APPROVED!!!! I about jumped out my seat screaming Hallelujah (this time in Africa has made me a bit more pentecostal, haha) I was so excited, I couldn’t stop smiling!
Then I began thinking and lies came flooding in. What if it’s only for a few weeks (I had a dream about that last week) or what if this is some sort of cruel joke? But nonetheless, I was hopeful. When I got it, I was super stoked. Then I looked at it and my breath was almost taken away. This is valid until June 2015. I am now a legal missionary in Rwanda. Such a great feeling.
For the rest of the day, I have felt blown away by God’s goodness, hopeful of what is to come and confident that He does and will always provide. This is something that I’ve been trying to remind myself for a while now. But honestly, this whole living by faith thing is hard. I haven’t gotten quite to the point of not being able to afford toothpaste (which, salt works for that, read that in a book) yet, but I feel that is around the corner.
But I know that God is always good. The pile of expenses don’t scare Him at all. He already knows where things will come from. He is good - forever! And tonight, I witnessed that goodness. We had an hour of intercession. We sat and listened to God and prayed over financial need. Those who had and wanted to, shared their need by writing it on the board. One girl needed toothpaste and about $10 and another needed about $1500 (the full school fee’s for a Rwandan). Tonight, God provided that toothpaste, the $10 and $200 towards the others school fee’s. God is so good! I was counting those things up and I was moved to tears! We all have money struggles. I’m pretty sure everyone in that room is a bit stressed when they think of the expenses. But God is good, always!
So tonight, in a moment of honesty, I want to share my needs with you. I promise that this isn’t a plot to get your money. But to gain your support in prayer. And if God tells you to give, give. If he tells you not to give, don’t give. So here it is:
Health Insurance $250
Burundi Visa $100 - $200
Flight Home (In Dec.) $2,000 - $2,500
Monthly Supporters $200/month
There it is...those are the needs. Those are my areas of stress and worry right now. Those are the seemingly mountains that I face. But tonight, I see hope. I see that God provides through His people. Through the family He has given me (not just my biological family, not just the Hammar’s), through the people that He has put in my life, He WILL accomplish His purposes.
So tonight, I can rest in Him. I know that though it may seem gross to brush my teeth with salt, instead of toothpaste, that if all He provides is salt, my teeth will be taken care of. I know that if I have to stay home every weekend (which sometimes, that sounds amazing, not like a punishment) instead of going into town, that He will provide a good time here at home. I know that in everything, in every season He is good. I read this verse in class today, and it hit me like a slap to the face. It kind of wrecked me and healed me at the same time, and so I leave you with this - it’s what God is teaching me:
“ Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am in, to be content! I know how to live humbly and how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and suffer need.
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me”
Philippians 4:11-13
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