*sorry*

God, why do i always come back to this exact same spot. either i'm burning hot or icey cold for you. right now i feel cold but desperatly trying to get hot again. God i am so sorry! i'm sorry that i can't just stay hot and burn for you every single day. i'm sorry that i can't just stick to the millions of commitments i've made to you! i've failed you Daddy! i guess there's no easy way to say but i've let you down, i've broken your heart and i know it! but worse of all is that i still do it! i feel like such a hypocrite because i'm planning out a missions trip, i'm on fire for you in front of others but yet when its just me and you, i sort of just eliminate you. now dont get me wrong, i love you Jesus! and i want to serve you more than anything else, but it gets hard. and when those other tempations come in, i give in. i am a weak human, one who can't just deny herself and say no i will NOT live for myself. so Jesus once i again, i lay this at your feet and begin the process yet again of denying me and taking up your cross. i read the othera day in luke a verse that really stuck out to me, funny how that can happen huh? i cant remeber quite the chapter or verse but was talking about taking up your cross everyday. so from that i take that you knew that it wouldnt be just a one time thing and that you know how hard it is, i mean of course you do, your Jesus. but in those few words it said so much to me. God i know you are always here with me, i know that you see and hear everything that goes on in my life. i also know how much you love me and how you want me to live only for you. and so i'm going to try. i will take up your cross EVERYDAY! not just once a month or on sundays, but i'm honestly gonna try to take it up everyday, striving to live out my every moment for you. but God i know i'm not going to be perfect and i
m pretty sure i'll be here again but Daddy thank you so much for giving millionth chances, not just second chances. i love so much and im sorry for all the times ive let you down!
~Jo