Shut up and listen!

This fast has been incredibly hard. I knew that it would be, but yet hoped that it wouldn't be...if that makes any sense. Right now, I just want to drink about a gallon of coffee, eat chocolate, cheese, bread, bacon, and pretty much any other thing that I'm not supposed to be having. It's been hard not only in the physical aspect, but also the spiritual.

The whole reason of this is to draw close to the Lord as this current season began. I wanted to seek Him out every day...intensly seek Him out. I wanted to be connected to the Lord in such an intimate way that nothing else even matters (even how much I want bacon!). But...it's been pretty quiet.

This isn't one of those "God, where are you?" posts but more of a "Joanna, stay focused for one second! Come on, woman!" post. I feel like life has been crazy. Between two jobs, teaching sunday school, keeping in touch with friends and just the life-ness of life, I feel like I haven't had time to just sit and be with Jesus. I whole heartedly know that this is my fault. I have had time to sleep an hour later in the mornings, I have had time to watch a few movies, to go to a concert, to go to Goodwill (oh man, I'm beginning to sound like my mother!). Just, my priorities are totally off.

But, little by little, the walls have been coming down. Last week a co-worker called work and I happened to answer the phone (since my job is cook/potty breaker/secretary). She told me a work related message to give to my boss but then she asked something of me. "Can you pray for me? I'm feeling really alone, depressed, sad...." I knew that she was Saved, and I know she knows that I am as well but for some reason this floored me. So I prayed for her quickly over the phone and then continued more throughout the day. While I was praying for her, Jesus kind of hit me in the face. "Lord, just show her yourself. Show her that when no one else is around her, when she's feeling lonely, that is the perfect time to be on her knees in Your presence!" As soon as I said those words, I could feel Daddy saying "Guess what? You to!". He makes me laugh!

Lonliness is something I seem to feel way too much, even if it is a false sense of being alone. But at this  time, I wasn't really feeling lonely, so I was a bit confused. But either way, it was a good word from the Lord. But now this week, I'm feeling it. I'm missing my besty, Gladys. She is in Vegas getting radical for Jesus. I love the conversations we have and I love when I hear from her, which is almost everyday. But I just missed her, a lot. Then that led to missing my Africa family, then to mission Africa. And we all know that never ends well. But...

"When you are feeling alone, that is the perfect time to get on your face,

down on your knees, and tell me about it!"

So, I can see the Lord moving! I have been tempted and failed. I have let sleep time take away my Jesus time. I haven been focused on everything but Jesus. But I am trying. I'm trying to set myself apart! And...the Lord is speaking! I just need to sit still long enough to hear what's going on.