A week ago today, actually about this same time, I arrived home after being in Africa for about a month. This last week has been hard. Crying myself to sleep, telling stories, looking at pictures and listening to the music has been what my week has been filled with. And then, when I'm not crying I feel guilty and like I should be.
It's been so hard to come back home. People don't fully understand what happened. The other day I was at a 5-day club that had a ton of black kids. I saw them and just expected them to have accents. I shook a mans hand tonight, and did it the African way, and he just looked at me. I say "howzit" or "salbona" and people have no clue what I'm saying. It's just like I dont belong here! Its good to be home and see people, dont get me wrong. But its rough because I feel so called to Africa, that being home is just awkward!
Father God, I know theres a reason I'm right now and not still in Africa. You know my heart, you know where your leading me. In a way I want this feeling to go away, because then it'd be easy to live my normal and comfy american life. But yet, keep this feeling burning inside of me! Keep this pain I feel for the people on fire in me! Keep me in this state of brokeness! Jesus, break me even more! Overall, give me to strength needed right now to live the life you want me to. To live life here, in Lansing.Give me courage to tell people what happend and what I learned. Keep me on fire for you!
Broken for a far away land,
Joanna
Joanna, this is like deja vu..you are going through some of the same things I saw J go through. Love you! Bonnie
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