Well, this may not be perceived to well...

First off, this may come off as offensive, if anyone even bothers to read this. I don't mean it as demeaning in anyway.

I question my church. Since this summer, my relationship with people at my church has gone down hill. I have been mocked, ridiculed, been told I was crazy and that "oh you'll move on". Is that really what a church 'family' is supposed to do when a member gets back from a missions trip? I don't think so. I have been blown off by someone who I thought was a close friend, but realized soon enough that we are not that close. It hurts when on Wednesday night at church, this once close friend, only talks to you to ask if you can take them home. Way to be a friend.

Maybe it's just me, maybe I'm crazy but personally when arriving home after being at church, I think you should feel uplifted, encouraged and challenge to pursue God even more. However, right now where I am, when I get home I feel challenged to loose weight because if they say they're fat, what does that make me? I feel annoyed by people, I do not feel loved or wanted or accepted. I don't feel supported in my dreams.

I fully understand that church is not all about me, it's not all about what I can get out of it. But it is a focus on Jesus and worshiping Him and finding ways to pursue Him more passionately. I do not feel this happening at my church, not in the least bit.

So then comes the question of "Well, Joanna if you know so well what a church should be, why don't you change it?" Well great question, I think I might have an answer for that! I am all for igniting a church, or re-igniting even re-re-igniting. But at the same time, I feel that a church should be a body of believers lifting each other up, worshiping as a family and that everything should be centered on God, not merely a mission field. I would be more than happy to make my mission field my current church, but then I would still need a church. Keep in mind a church is a body of believers, a family that loves, supports and worships together.

So those are my thoughts. After crying, praying and then crying again, I feel like God is calling me somewhere else, church wise. Where, I don't know yet. Maybe it will just be on Wednesday nights to start out, but I definitely feel called to action.