Change is coming. Changes that are exciting but still terrifying. "I'll say goodbye to my mother, my father. Turn my back on any other..." Leaving is hard. I am so excited (really, I just want to scream and giggle all the time!) to be moving to Africa. I know I've been away before and it's been hard even then.But now, knowing that when I go, I'm there to stay, it scares me..a lot. How many big events will I miss because I live in Africa? Birthdays, weddings, babies, anniversaries, big moments, etc. I know for a fact there are big moments that I will miss. I know my loved ones of will have crisis and I wont be there. When I get on that plane on June 10, I am taking a step into some big changes that go way beyond a change of location.
Learning a new language, learning more of the culture, getting deeper into a church, building relationships there, and just living as a functional adult in a country not my native home - these are the changes awaiting me. I'm sure there will be (and all ready have been) days and nights of missing my native home, times of crying because I just want to be with my family here. I know it will be hard. To think it'd be easy would be the dumbest thought to ever cross my mind.
BUT...this is only a portion of the cost of discipleship.
To follow Jesus is a big decision. Jesus clearly says in Luke that if we aren't ready to renounce everything we known, own, love ,etc. then we ware not ready to follow Him (14:33). Intense, huh? Over and over, He promises a hard life if we are truly following him. Take a look at Luke 21:10-19. In summary, Jesus says that bad stuff will happen, and will continue to happen. But check out verses 18&19 -
"But not a hair of your head will perish. By your endurance you will gain your lives"Maybe this is something that Jesus had for me to ponder tonight. My decision to move to Africa has got some weight to it! I don't know what awaits me. I don't know the things (good or bad) that will happen in the nations I will be in.
But Jesus is in control. Every time I miss my family or He will be there to comfort me. Whenever I am sick, He will be there to heal me. When I'm afraid of the changes around me...He's going to be there to remind me that He's holding in His hands. My Father is so good. So, now I end with this song...https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fFfw6OSbUwE.
So yes, I'm afraid to go. The changes and challenges that await scare the pants off of me. I will miss my parents, my sister, my brother. I will miss my friends, my church family, my work family. I will be sad with every big event that I miss. I will long for this homeland often. I will cry and just want to be back here. I will wish I could visit more often. But I think I'm ready. Me and Jesus are going to Africa, and He is going to do some amazing things. I am ready to truly know what the words "My life for the Gospel" means. I am ready to run, scream, cry, love, work, pray, teach, preach, and whatever else. I am ready to leave everything I have known for the live that Jesus has called me to live. I'm ready to face every fear as it comes and to lay every fear at His feet.
So I will say it, and may Jesus always remind me of these words...
My life for the Gospel
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