A long long way of saying, I'm frustrated!

God right now, I just want to scream! I want to yell out everything thats bothering me, I want to scream all my frustrations out and just fall on my knees and cry out to you, my Creator! So I guess, a good question would be, why aren't I doing those things? Why am I just sitting here complaining about my life and yapping on and on about how I want to cry out to you? Why don't I just do it? I guess the answer to that is simple. I feel like You might grow tired of me. Like I've used up all my "Cry out to God when life sucks" moments and I can no longer go to You about them. But I know with all my heart thats not true, not true at all. I guess it's just that whenever I tell anyone else about my stress, my frustration, or even at times my anger, they either 1) act like I have no reason to feel that, like I'm not allowed to have anything but positive moods or 2) they say "oh that sucks, my life sucks to, way more then yours, let me go on and on about how my life sucks. OK maybe they don't say that exactly, but it sure feels like it.

So maybe these reactions are partially my fault, because of my personality. But I'm sorry if I don't let the whole world know every time I'm the tiniest upset or frustrated. But does that deny me the right to be upset or frustrated? Oh God! I know you don't make mistakes and I know you made me who you want me to be, but why? Why did you make me to not just show my emotions out on my sleeve? It seems like all it does is hurt more in the long run. Ugh, I guess I'll never know the answer to that one.

If it seems like I'm complaining, I deeply apologize, as that is not my intention at all! But I guess thats exactly what I'm doing, huh? Well right now I'm deeply, deeply frustrated with my job situation. Technically I have a job, but I've only worked twice since Christmas. So, I've looked for a second/replacement job. About 4 interviews and countless applications, still no change. My other frustrations stream from homework (to much of it!) , a professor who without knowing it, calls me an ignorant fool every class because of my faith, and pretty much just my plain, boring, stand-still, and seemingly pointless life. It just feels like nothing is going on!

But after writing that, I'm thinking. Am I really saying that I think I need a better job, less homework, an exciting life, and nicer professors to be happy? The truth is, that wont make me any happier than I am now. That reminds me of a story, ready for a huge rabbit trail? There's a Veggie Tales movie, I believe its Madame Blueberry. Larry comes in, in the very beggining, driving a Jeep. And of course Bob is all like "Uh Larry, what is that?" Larry replies with something along the lines of , "Well its my brand new jeep. Now all I need is the boat and RV and I'll be happy!" And moral of the story, things don't bring happiness and I know that. It's all from you God!

So I guess the last 4 parargraphs to say, I'm frustrated, so what? I can let it out to you, and You will listen. I haven't used up my "I'm frustrated, so I'll cry out to God" moments and I never will. You are here in this room with me, with arms ready, maybe even tissues ready if needed, ready to hold me in your arms and tell me you understand, and that your there for me.

Thank you, Daddy!